Small figure's portrait.
tentative list:
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JB Joy
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JB
---For a person you despise, you walk away without a word.
JB always wears a pair glasses and concerned complexion, which makes it hard to tell if he is easy to get along or he is an arrogant thug at first sight. If a newcomer comes to his workplace, he would welcome her/him with enthused chat filled with lots of inquires about the new member's original college, stature if any, hometown, significant half, kids if any, the things for fun, etc. This sounds cordial and warm. Fair enough, he would introduce himself as a grdauate from a northern China University, majoring in femtosecond laser. Implicitly or explicitly, the newcomer was left alone knowing that JB was an experimental doyen in the end.
Like some guys having a Ph.D from China and hopping into a chance to work as a postdoc in a US university, JB likes to exhibit his experience in the lab and in the life. The schedule at school is always flexible, one can be too busy in a few days and then can be idle for other days. Members in a group easily find a time slot for chitchat. JB enjoys it. In a few such events, people would be familiar with such anecdotes as that he has won a small lottery in Hong Kong, has seen some very very fat white people by the Dead Sea beach, has won bowling competition in Tianjing and being on TV, has been threatened by Black people in Philadephia, has been in Buffalo, been in Oklahoma angling some fish of many many pounds, been driving thousands of miles, so on and so on. Needless to say, people would notice his tongue tag is adverb in double usage, 'very very', or 'many many'. JB's words are so characteristic, some quotes along with small stories are laid out in the following.
New guy T joined the group. T went to lunch in a cafeteria, JB asked, 'how's the meal over there? how much does it cost you on average?' T said, 'the meal tastes bad, and I'm hungry in 3 hours. The price is okay, about 5 bucks.' 'Wow, that's almost the price my whole family spend for a day. And we eat good, see, preseved duck wings.' T protested, 'well, if I have a wife doing nothing but taking care of my son and cooking, I'd love to be like you, too.' JB was very happy. Later T accidentally moved several optical mirrors JB was using, JB burst out on the phone call, ' I never treat you as my opponent, and you are undercutting me behind.', T was appalled, explaining for 10 minutes that was an unfortunate incident. Done. In a minute, JB called again, besides saying that he reported to the boss, repeated the same charge, T was upset and hung up. The next day, T came over to say sorry again to JB, JB gave his lesson with screwed face, 'OK, let's forget it. The person I hate most are those who 'chi li pa wai' (cheat at home and outside)!!!! and I am absolutely not talk about you. T, I don't want to treat you like my rivals, OK. if I do, I have many many ways to 'hai ni' (do you sabotage). I have much much more papers than you do, I have 34, how many do you have, 12? and I have been in many labs, there are unspoken codes in every lab, you have to follow...' T was dumbfounded.
New girl C joined the group. somehow in a month or two JB and C had an argument, JB was mad, throwing some acrimonious words behind C. Later there was a confrontation in the lab, JB slammed door hard to show his rage, C wasted no second to answer back, with her petite figure she slammed the door with a louder bang and yelled, 'Who doesn't know how to slam door, yah! Who the heck is this guy, huh? Is he real a postdoc? What the heck is he talking to me, the unspoken codes in the lab, fuck off!' JB was gone noiselessly. Amazingly, the two made up soon. When C left later, JB managed to get a half-price TV from C's moving sale.
JB and T made up also. T tried to buy a car. JB zealously suggested many cars which were the best buy in his mind and even helped to look up one in person. He haughtily suggested a price, citing his driving and buying experience. T knew he himself had more years of driving than JB and negotiated no less car deals than JB did, all the help he wanted was maybe a ride, not a seemingly charlatan advice. T ended up buying a new one with stick shift. JB was not impressed, 'Hmm, T, you are different, people normally will try a used manual car, practice for a year or two, you drive a new car to practice manual driving. that's great.' Pathetically, T was a lonely guy, he had nobody else to hang out, sometimes he was too boring not to go with JB, like for a shopping, or a lame tennis workout. JB's mouth kept talking, T took it involuntarily. One day they were in an outlet, T bought two shirts, and then JB spotted a short sleeve greenish shirt and strongly suggested T to take it, 'I feel you look fabulous in that shirt. Trust me, buddy, I've never been wrong in this regard, look at the pattern, you look absolutely upright and manly.' T knew he didn't like the color, nor the pattern, but with such an amusing advisor, he took it anyway. Both of these easy-going and compulsive characters went untested until in their later relationship. Later JB clashed with another guy in the group, T noticed it and manage to mediated in between, the tension eased soon. Staying on the same boat, JB grew his fondness with T, he claimed him one of his best friends.
Yet JB's very unstoppable mouth just gave away the fact that few people would like to be close to him as a, um, friend. He's got the tendency to make believe that any behavior differing from his to be abnormal. Sometimes he went further as to suggest others something to such a extent that if his suggestion was not taken, people would feel guilty of that he might be somehow offended. This proposition is between amusing and annoying, however, it is not something that would single him out. Other than hand, his ostentatious comments on everyone he knows tells that he is actually proud of being judgmental and biased, this trait was rooted from his years of journeyman's experience in his previous school, he learned more political lessons than lasers. He was eager to position himself on a right rung in a presumed hierarchy whenever he went, even there would be only 4 people. The perception in his mind was totally a surviving guide in Chinese bureaucracy, please the upper guy by all means, tramp anyone who's in the way.
JB moved to another lab with more people, T followed suit to join him 6 months later. Then some incidents happened, which made T truly believe that JB was not an amiable colleague but a sheer asshole. At beginning, JB struggled under the pressure from the demanding boss, he managed to take full advantage of his expertise on experimental skills and came up with some result the boss liked. As T came, T wanted to impress with similar knack. First JB had some unfinished business at hand, explaining the result with sound theory. T wanted to have a try, he had a better understanding of what's behind. This is the start of ugly thing. In the tiny world of academy, the researchers employed by the faulty are under the lowest end of food chain. JB was on high alert of protecting his territory. T crammed for two weeks into literature and sketched out a theory for the result, he went to JB excitedly for a discussion. JB took half a min on the pages and deemed toilet papers, 'This is nothing new, 5 years ago Dr. Chin has had similar theory, I don't think Chi 3 variation is right, it doesn't make any sense to me. I think ponderomotive force is the right explanation...' T was upset, he knew JB just heard of the word ponderomotive a few months ago and was terrible in theory, but he sensed JB's strong defensive attitude that made the joint effort to go nowhere, he backed off the otherwise win-win situation. Later JB's papers published, while it generated quite some buzz, two years after that, the boss still received rebuffs and questions of the explanations , the good theory remained to be seen.
In a group of 20, JB excelled not only on experiments, but also in his articulate sycophant service. T retreated even further as he saw the sharp hiatus between him and JB, 'there are two things you just can't stand watching people are doing in public, one is poo, the other is kiss-ass.' T once joked to his friends. It is okay that JB broadcasts his hard working every time he works overtime, vocally or electronically, it is just not okay to hear him analyzing tirelessly what the boss meant by saying this, what the boss really wanted by saying that. It is annoying for T to have these verbal trashing and see the servile face in front of the boss on daily basis. T tried to avoid the chance to interact with JB.
To see if a couple is in harmony, put them on a trip, to see if a group of guys get along, put them in a van. There was a conference in DC, almost the whole group would attend. JB led to rent the vehicle and drove down there. He so enjoyed the driving and taking duties, yet out of his mouth, he's happily groping how much trouble it was to pick up the van, and how tiring to drive. Then some green students would volunteer to take the shift, JB dutifully doubted their driving skills and kept suffering the long driving. T was as nice as usual to take the least comfortable seat in the back, but he didn't care, since he had nice chat with guys next to him, the fun was switched to the rear gang rather than JB's comments on this or that. The conference went well until the return trip. JB couldn't wait to sit behind the wheel and started driving, he didn't even look at the map and began to shift from lane to lane. Soon they got lost, one suggested to pull over asking for directions, other pointed out some error by studying the map, JB kept going in the bustling downtown area. After one and half hour they got out of the town, it was no surprise guys got pissed off. T, the normally soft guy, couldn't hold his temper and vented his frustration in the rear seat. That was all he would do. What he would do further was just that he only left a 'hi' when they would meet in the hallway, no further 'polite' chat. It's a waste.
The situation went on. JB kept his mouth open, T maintained his low-key. However, the boss didn't like T's style of working. One day the boss overly lashed out T by pointing out he could not be seen in the lab on weekend, T's experimental skills were bad in the lab, T faced unprecedented crisis. He collected his thoughts and emailed to the boss, explaining why he was away some weekends and why there were delay for a project. One reason was that laser was down for a few days. Since JB was in charge of laser maintenance, T carefully chose the words not to mislead. The boss forwarded T's messages to all the 'senior people' in the group. At 10pm that night, while T was working in the lab, JB stormed in, pointing fingers right at T's face, 'Hey, man, your problem has nothing to do with me, don't you ever dodge your accountability to me!' T was totally off guard, 'what do you mean? how do I dodge my accountability?' JB's hair was like standing up, 'you said the laser is down for 4 days, the boss already emailed us.' T was trying hard to contain himself, 'But isn't the laser down? and did I mention that the laser down is because of you? Did I ever mention your name in the email? I am taking care of my own business, the last thing I want now is to add trouble from you.' JB still didn't get back his common rationale, 'Look, I spent a Sat. morning to fix the laser problem, and now you want to explain your problem away and saying that was because of me.' T was at the verge of blowup, he could never imagine such an imbecilic implication from the judgmental prick's mouth. But this poor guy couldn't fight back his moronic colleague. He had no stake. He could only explain, word by word, of the email, and used the best logic to prove that there is nothing written related to JB. Even T knew JB had something in mind after their diluted relationship, T could never expect that JB was waiting for the chance to make fuss out of nothingness. In the end, the two seemed to reconcile again, promised to put it aside. JB even joked that 'someone said that I want to set up my niece as your girlfriend, did you hear that?' T grimed, in his mind he was cursing viciously, 'Motherfucker, if it is not from your stinky mouth, no one would have the rumor.'
Just like one confrontation is not enough, JB stroke again. Laboratory is JB's territory, like dogs pee out a piece of woods in the wild. For a certain period of time, T and JB shared one laser, incidentally, before informing JB, other guys helped T tune the laser, which was supposed not to affect JB's setup, but it did. Now the storm set in, JB raged out at the two guys with red face and whined at the boss and anyone who passed by. T felt sorry, though he didn't feel this was due to him. JB thought otherwise. A few days later on a Sat. morning, T was in the lab working, the boss came in to check his diligent employee, they chatted casually, T mentioned he found an alignment device for about 350 bucks, 'Oh, how come JB asked me to allow him to buy the device which is 1100?' The boss was curious. Later he emailed both guys seeking comment. In the evening, while T was on his way to the lab again, JB stopped him at the door, 'T, you know nothing of the device, and you are causing me trouble again! I have been persuading the boss to buy this one for quite a while, it was very very easy to use, no need to code, much much better than that one you said. why are you always mess up with me.' T was like hit by a dagger, 'Hey, Can't I have a chat with the boss? How do I know you were negotiating something with him? Don't you ever say me to make trouble?!' Then JB found the opening to tramp T, he brought up the laser incident, brought up the first email again, claiming one more time how good he was in the lab, how much confidence the boss has had in him, T stopped him, he kept going, T had to retrieve the email from the computer, read it out word by word, saying that there is nothing to do with him, had to explain repetitively why the laser tuning was unfortunately happened. But JB just wanted to claim his higher stature than T in the group, tolerated no one who's ever in the way serving the boss. 'I beg you, T, don't make me trouble anymore.' Poor T hardly held his fist at such an insult, if these words were spoken to him at any other place, a physical fight was guaranteed. But during his hard time in that group, a scene did no good to him, he could only swallow his bitterness at the price of his proud ego. He thought of Napoleon, warning himself he had to be a sheep sometimes. What he knew for certain were he just cannot make friends with an asshole, and he never wanted to be a yellow dog to survive in the big world of the small lab.
JB survived and flourished, T didn't. JB happily served as the boss' second hand, sometimes his eyes and ears. He synchronized his schedule with the boss, being super nice to other members. His comments were as usual, 'I think Fei is very smart and diligent, I saw him working at sat. morning, he asks smart questions, much smarter than some of the postdocs.' the boss nodded. 'Das, your boss said you were very smart.' Das' face turned red. 'This is the first time I saw T in 4 weeks on weekend. maybe he's in his office, that I don't know.' Finally T was out of the lab.
Somewhere in a university campus, if you spot a middle-aged chinaman with glasses and worried composure, you hear him chatting with broken English and messed 'r', 'l' sound, telling you some of his old stories in 3 minutes, or his 'very very smart', 'very very famous' comment on someone, and you see his easily piled-up wide grin, you know you might be meeting with JB or his rare kin.
According to Joy
quotes of Joy, who came from China a year ago as researcher in bio-medical. While adjusting herself to new language and new life, she is having her way looking at people and the world. (This should be 'According to Joy, Then.' since it was before she left us. Joy's doing great in her new place now. I should have a follow-up as 'Accroding to Joy, now.')
1.
Joy went out with office guys. On the way guys test her what the sign 'body shop' means. Joy offers the guess. "Skin care product shop?"
'Nope."
"Shop selling organs?"
"Oh, dear. No."
"Oh, I know. You guys are bad to bring me here. It's brothel."
2.
"T.J., can I date an American guy but not sleep with him?"
"That's impossible." T.J. sniffed at the idea. Joy felt droll.
3.
"Joy, you should visit the lakeside some times. It's pretty there, there are bars along the side, and the ducks."
"The ducks? are they cute?" In Chinese slang, duck means male prostitute..
4.
"You have to treat yourself good. you never know if you would be hung-up tomorrow morning." She meant 'pass-away by that.
5.
"Oh, this is your eggplant! Aha, it's not mine. I just felt down to the dumps about it. 'cause I rememebered Ive cooked my eggplant, now I turn around, how come they are lying here brand-new? I just said to myself, 'Sigh, 34 is a rung'..."
6.
"You know in my hometown in northeast China, there are hooligans everywhere, one of my classmates was one. that guy was so good-looking, girls in my class were all dying for being with him."
7.
"Sigh, the trouble of being single is that, whenever I see a cute guy, I can't stop my fantasy, I want to get him in hand, haha...Yes. women are like men. Like that Arthur guy, I know he was just polite to me, but I still want to seduce him."
8.
"Mo is just pathetic. Don't be fooled if you hear he laughs at me dumb at this, clumsy at that, then he's like a big brother, 'Oh, Joy, please don't be mad at me. come here, give me hug.' When his wife comes, he's just like a tamed son. 'don't touch this....don't make noise eating. don't shake your leg, like a countryman.' Every time he comes back from NYC, he complains his wife laughs at him dressing like a slob. Well, he's finding his superiority in me, I am just too nice to point it out."